Had a really bad hypo last night which freaked me out a bit. Normally I'm not too bad but that's when Roger is around to help, this time he was away on a course and it frightened me being on my own. I managed to get myself sorted out but when I came round felt as sick as a dog.
Got up this morning with Jasmine laying next to me on the bed, she's been there all night as she knew something wasn't right and meowed a lot at me. Maybe this was a cat's way of keeping me awake whilst having a hypo as if I'd gone to sleep I most certainly wouldn't be here now writing this.
Found out my Dad has had to go to hospital as the doctor thought he's got a blood clot in his leg, and has gone for tests. My Dad is nearly 68 and works like an old cart horse so I think he's over done things and not looked after his self very well. Mum told me dad isn't eating and has lost weight( daft old git) I'm sure he'll be a happy hamster waiting for tests at the hospital, now he'll know how I feel when I have to have things done.
I love my Mum and Dad but we never have got on 100% and I have had to learn to take bad news without them. Some CF families would do anything for the person in their family with CF, but not mine. Both my sister and I have been on our own for many years, never having any help from our Mum or Dad.Even when I had to tell them about my Anorexia they didn't believe it cos someone elses daughter had it and she didn't do the same thing as me. Maybe there's some guilt on their behalf with both me and Joy having so many health problems, I really don't know, whatever it is I have never blamed them for my health problems and never will, it's too unfair to do that. I was once asked by a social worker if I blamed anyone for me having CF, I looked at her and laughed, "what a stupid thing to say", I said " I have and never will blame anyone" and walked off leaving her with her gob open as I slammed the door behind me. I did swear at her too but that would be a bit too much to write, you get the picture.
Well it's cat show day tomorrow, YAY, I'm soooooo looking forward to it as I know my beautiful gray girl will win something( sorry for getting abit big headed).
It's also my little scottish haggis's 16th birthday today, which had a nice surprise for her from the wonderful world of CF friends and families, Happy birthday again Tasha( I had to say it as I know you'll read this later, he he he)
It's nice to make those around you smile, it gives me a sense of being the fairy Godmother, I like doing nice things for other's, what comes around , goes around so they say( I think I've got that right, anyway you know what I mean)
Right I've been going on too long, and I want a cup of tea so I'll sign off now and update you on what happens tomorrow.My Mum is coming up for a week starting tomorrow, Oh happy day!!!!

My friend Tasha has been able to go home which is great news as it's her birthday on Friday.
I should have been at eye clinic today BUT stupid muppet me booked transport for today thinking my appointment was today when in fact after reading the letter the eye clinic sent me I should have been there yesterday! I can't believe that I've missed my appointment, this has never happened to me and i was getting all worked up to go, Oh bloody hell!
Jasmine has been wondering around looking for something to kill, I think she's cleared the house of flies, woodlice, daddy longlegs and anything living.
Roger is away tonight as he's gone to Milton keanes ( hope the spelling is right) on a course and set off at 6am , he'll be home sometime tomorrow after stopping off in York to see his Dad.
I got a post card from my sister who is having a great holiday.
So I'm going to get on and do some jobs around the house seeing that I don't need to go to the hospital.I have rearranged an appointment for 1st Nov, what a noodle, I feel so stupid, I blame my age i'm getting so forgetful.I felt so guilty I've written a letter to apologise for me not turning up to see my eye doctor, like I said I've never done this before I think my mind is in another place.
WELCOME HOME TASHA

Finally got the luggy bug out of Jasmine's fur YAY, I'm so pleased now she looks a real beautiful show cat!
I've been into Scarborough to do the weekly shop. It's still very busy with holiday folk.
My back is still very painful after slipping down the hill at the bike racing, I'll be ok after tomorrow's appointment, it won't help my back but it's one less thing to worry about.
I've been watching thr repete of Dinnerladies on sky, I love that programme, it alway's makes me laugh.
Jasmine is fast asleep on the windowsill, she hasn't chased anything today so the world is safe from a gray girl cat trying to eat everything in sight.
Roger is going on a course tomorrow and may spend the night at his mum's because it's such a long drive( 7 hours) which means i might have the house to myself and will be able to watch some of my Johnny Depp films WOOHOO.
I bought something nice to send to Tasha, I hope she is starting to feel a bit better.
I can't wait untill Saturday and the cat show. Me and Roger are judging black and white cats, we have bought trophies and rosettes for our class in memory of our old black and white cat "casper". The thing is I will want to give every pussy cat a prize but sadly there will be some that won't get a thing.
My Jasmine is beautiful and has the most stunning eyes I've ever seen on a cat, She's like the cat in the sheba cat food ad's the gray one with the round face. Jasmine is my best friend and I'd miss her if I hadn't got her, she's the one true friend i can trust 100% every day.
Well , it's eye clinic tomorrow so finger's crossed that it all goes well. It's not until your on the line of loosing something you know just how important these things are, there's nothing more important than your eyes. God only knows how i'd cope if my sight goes altogether, last time i knew it would get better but this time there will be no second changes.

Started on the new insulin doses today, i really don't understand why on earth the doctor changed things as they were fine before, anyway I'm doing as I've been told.
I was sorting out some old photo's when I came across one of an ex partner which I thought I got rid of them all, anyway I burnt it, normally I wouldn't do this but this " thing" put me through three years of hell. it was a very violent relationship which didn't help my eating disorder at all, many times i ended up in hospital and it caused my family a lot of hearache and hurt.
I felt like that was the end of a bad time( even though I didn't know this photo was in the box of stuff) I'm a much happier person who has fought dam hard for everything I have and i have over come a lot of terrible things.
Jasmine has been hunting bumble bees in the garden, she didn't find any but she did find a frog!
jasmine wasn't sure what to do with him and the big paw of fate which has killed many a living thing came down on the poor frogs head. the frog squeaked ( yes squeaked) and did a huge leap towards our neighbours fence with a furry blur after it. I grabbed jasmine as i thought the death of a poor frog minding his own business was too much to bare, Jasmine wasn't a happy kitten and started to bite me instead, little monkey.
The rosettes I ordered for the cat show on Saturday came today, they were lovely.Me and roger are judging black and white cats at the show and have bought two trophies and the rosettes for a new class in memory of our black and white cat " Casper".
It's a beautiful day here today, and I'm going to go into town tomorrow to pay some bills. Thursday i have eye clinic which no doubt I'll have to have drops in my eyes so if it's sunny when I come out I'll be blind. I have got transport for then so it won't be so bad.
I hope Tasha is feeling a bit better, been thinking of her a lot since finding out she had to go into hospital, also hope Emily is OK, poor little jellybean has been in hospital for ten weeks now.
The friendships us CF's make are very strong, it's very difficult when someone passes away, it's like one of your family has gone the bond is so strong. I've lost lots of friends to cF but i had two very best friends who both passed away, it wasn't until I started putting messages on the CF message boards that I started to form friendships with CF's again. it wasn't because i didn't want too , it was because i didn't want to go through the pain of loosing any more friends, but i have been strong and faced these things that worry me and i have found some very loving , kind friends again.

Yesterday was a busy day. First we went for a drive round the dolby forrest and had a cup of tea and some very nice cake at a tearoom there, it was on a farm and we saw a lovely ginger kitten called" spud"
We came home and the phone rang, it was some of our mates from York. They were coming across to Scarborough for a ride out on their bike( Honda fireblade) and wanted us to meet them.I was really tired but I made the effort to go.
Today I learned that my little friend Tasha was in hospital, poor little chick is not well.
Diabetic clinic went fine, although they've changed my insulin round abit which seems pointless as things were OK before but I'll do as I'm told.
Jasmine has now focused her attentions on flies instead of daddy long legs, mainly because I think she's ate all the daddy long legs in the world and flies seem to be more of a sport for her jumping and chasing them around the house.
Next big clinic is Thursday, which is eye clinic.I'm very tired and worn out now so I'm going for a good cup of tea and a cuddle with Jasmine( if I can get her away from chasing flies).
Hopefully Tasha will start to feel better very soon, I'm missing seeing her lovely messages. Get well soon chickie bean

Got our local paper today as they have printed an article about Emily's Angel's and how I got on in London. Everything was fine until the last bit when they got the amount raised wrong. It wouldn't normally bother me but I sent the women an e-mail with all the details on it( I sometimes feel with some people your banging your head against a brick wall)
Roger helped me wash Jasmine today as next Saturday is the cat show. It gives her fur time to look good if we wash her now, although Jasmine would disagree and like Bagpuss hates being washed.I still have the lovely job of brushing her yet and getting that knot out of her fur which is bothering me now never mind Jasmine.
Jasmine hasn't eaten any more daddy long legs today, but cought a fly outside and kept pawing it till she killed it!!!!!
Found one little spider in the kitchen last night which wasn't too bad but I got Roger to get it all the same.
It's lovely and sunny here today and we went shopping in Filey this morning, it was busy with happy holiday people and old people walking around like snail's.
I posted my card to my lovely little friend, Tasha today, I hope it makes her a little bit happier as I know she's not well at the moment. I also posted a card to the bloke from Top Gear, Richard " hamster" Hammond.
Since last Sunday after slipping down a steep hill at the bike racing my back has hurt like hell, no doubt it's bruised a bit, what with that and a dodgy right arm I'm falling to bit's.
Well I think I shall try and get Jasmine and brush her, I'm sure she's gonna love that and will try and bite me. I'm still getting use to this blog thing and once I know how to post some piccies, you'll see how beautiful Jasmine is, as well as Bagpuss!!!!!

After having a bad hypo yesterday I thought it best not to go shopping in York and go another day. Hypo's ( low blood sugars) make you feel very tired and some times sick. It's raining anyway so it wouldn't have been an enjoyable day out.
I'm at diabetic clinic on Monday so I can sort out these hypo's then, mind you I think it's because i'm not eating enough.
Jasmine has murdered two more daddy long legs, bringing the sore to eight.There has been no more big spider's in the bathroom but I still get roger to check before I have a shower.
I've been busy with a painting I'm doing for my sister for xmas, I know we are a way off Xmas at the moment but paintings take time and I want it to look good.
Jasmine has a knott in her fur which i can't seem to comb out, she also roll's over and bites me when I try and brush her. i've got to get it out ready for next Saturday and the cat show.
My left eye seems to be slightly better today YAY!!!!! the bleed I had is slowly clearing which is good news( thank goodness, it's about time luck was on my side)
Well bagpuss seems a bit down today, I blame the weather as cats don't like water.
I don't know what we'll do this weekend, I know we need to go food shopping( boring) . I make the most of our weekends as Roger works very hard during the week and has long days, by the time he get's home and has his tea, it's bedtime so we don't get time to chat about the day's events.
I made a nice card for Tasha today as she's not very well at the moment, I hope it will cheer her up and know I'm thinking of her( poor little chick)
I've been thinking about having another tattoo, i already have three but one more might be nice. I haven't a clue what I'd like though, my other's are of dragons, i rather like the idea of having Jasmine in elvish on my foot. I know I won't rush into it, it took me months to decide what I wanted with the other's, by this time next week I might think differently again.

Having a fat weeble day today, which isn't good for people who have anorexia. So to keep my mind off " that" I'm writing on here.
I've had some lovely feed back from dear friends which has boosted me up no end, the power of friends keeps me going and even if my family aren't that good I can count on these few precious people( Emily, Emma, Tasha, Lisa and her daughter Lois, Lainey just to mention a few from the wonderful world of CF).
The local paper's seem so interested in my little life, they are asking me what my next challenge is, to tell you the truth I haven't a clue. I do these challenges when they come up and if I'm well enough.
A neighbour of ours came the other evening to see how I was, which is strange as he only ever comes round when I've been in the paper. He asked me how things were blah blah blah, then the subject of transplant came up. I was talking about Emily and Emma and the live life then give life campaign and not about me when he suddenly said " well you'd have a transplant wouldn't you, your young and have everything to live for, you'd be stupid if you didn't" and laughed. Apart from being gob smacked at the thought of being called " stupid" I didn't want to give him an answer but then remembered what Nicky West once said and continued to answer his question. " I don't want one " I said, " WHAT" he said in quite a load voice, " why the hell not, that's just plain stupid if your given the chance to have a normal life" he carried on and on and on, well you get the picture.
My reason's are simple I told him, I don't want to die but I need more than just new lungs, i need a kidney as well and how often do news lungs come along never mind lungs and a kidney, plus I'm going blind and they can't give me new eyes as the damage is not correctable. I also have been very lucky in the fact that I'm now 35 and I'm in the lucky number of CF's that are over the age of the magic 31 ( average age to live to for CFpeople, or so they tell us, but I know there are a lot of people in their 40's) . My neighbour clearly didn't understand and we ended the talk by him saying " well if it was me" blah, blah, blah I'd stopped listening to him at this stage , which might sound rude of me but I wanted him to listen to my reply and my reason's not have a go at me for something that takes more than five seconds of thought.
Maybe when it comes to it I may change my mind again but I can't see things changing at this moment in time, we are all different and shouldn't have to explain our reason's why.
On a brighter note, I might go to York shopping tomorrow. Roger works in York and I love the city, I lived there for a while in my college days, it kind of reminds me of a small Oxford with people riding on bikes everywhere. It's a great place for shopping where as Scarborough is dull( sorry) .
Bagpuss has got over his wash, and looks beautiful and fluffy.Once I've got the hang of posting photo's on here I will post a very lovely one of me and Emily which was taken at the Hydro active in London earlier this month. Emily is not only a very bright, bubbly young lady but is very very beautiful even though she is very poorly. She has worked very hard along with Emma to get the awareness we really needed for organ donation ( www.livelifethengivelife.co.uk ) I think very highly of these two ladies as they both got up and did something wonderful.
Jasmine has been running around playing most of this morning, she hates the wind as it blows up her bum and she thinks something is after her, daft moggie!
Jasmine is at her second cat show at the end of the month, last time she won best pedigree in show for the first time, I hope she does well again this time.
Anyway, weeble feeling has gone and I feel a lot better. Anorexia is strange and I have to keep busy when the bad feelings start otherwise it's a disaster, even after 16 years I find it very difficult. Having strength in my self helps but i must be honest I have days where the impulse not to eat is very strong and I feel helpless and not in control. I don't want to go into details of it all but believe me it has got very bad at times.
Now I'm listening to the news with the sad news of " the hamster" Richard Hammond from Top gear, I hope he recover's. Why do bad things happen to good people, this is one of the things in life that I never understand.
I hope my spelling is OK, please forgive me if it isn't, but my peeper's aren't that good today.

It's been a funny day so far.First Jasmine started meowing for no reason other than she wanted some attention, and second I had a strange feeling I was in a dream watching TV, when I finally got myself together I found that it wasn't a dream but that in fact I was going hypo and my blood sugar's were 1.7( eeeeeeek).
I've been diabetic for over twenty years so I'm normally quite good with things but it does get frightening when your on your own and can't make sence of simple things. I made a cup of sweet tea and managed to gobble down some tangfastics in record time!
It's still very windy here and saw on the weather at dinner time that hurricane Gorden is on it's way, although it won't cause to much damage( we hope).
Also i got up set by seeing Steve Irwin's daughter paying tribute to her Dad, life sucks at times and why do the terrible things in life happen to the good people? I've never understood that one.
Spoke to my Mum today who seemed a bit strange with me, although if you knew my Mum you'd say she was normal. My mum is coming to a caravan park near us for a holiday for a week although it's not to spend time with me I've been told. i will see her though while she's here. i miss my dad more than my Mum, I think the last time I saw him was before xmas last year and he's never been to our house, I don't know why.
Dad gets on very well with my sister and they talk about everything and anything, I think that's because they use to work with each other. I just don't know how to talk to my Dad, I don't really know how.
Bagpuss sadly has had to go in the washing machine as he looked rather dirty, seeing him spinning round at 100mph wasn't the nicest thing to see but the job needed doing.
I got a cheque for quite an amount today for emily's angel's from a man who saw my article in the paper, he lives in our village and knew someone who worked at the Bromton which is where Emily is at the moment. I keep getting people sending small amounts of money for the cause which is really kind and makes all the hard work worth while. i've even had people coming up to me whilst I've been out shopping asking if it was me who was in the paper's, I tell them yes it was, and that there's only ONE bagpuss who has tried to do the london marathon and that's why we were in the paper's. one old lady thought I was telling the truth and replied " I thought it was because you had something wrong with you like MS", I felt like saying it was because I was abit loopy but I just smiled and nodded, I've found that old people even when you take the time to tell them what CF is they still don't understand, bless em.

Today is very windy and Jasmine wanted to go out and play( like kitty's do) so I let her out in the garden for a while. She didn't like the wind blowing her whisker's and ran back to me like a frightened child and hid behind my legs meowing. I picked her up and carried her round the garden, she was pushing into my chest as she didn't want me to put her down, it was kind of sweet as this ball of fur wanted me to protect her from something nasty( the wind).
I've had some lovely messages from other CF's, Tasha who i met at the hydro active has been leaving some lovely messages which has brightened my day no end. i have found over the years that meeting other's who have CF has been like having extra brother's and sister's and when sad times come around( mainly when someone passes away) we all support each other with such love and care.
I've had the news of the world after me to do an article on me, it's like being a celeb!!!
I can't do anything for them yet as another mag is doing an article and I've signed a contract, i know that when it's printed the money I get is going to the trust, so something good will come out of it.
Bagpuss has forgiven me for not taking him to the bike racing at the weekend, it's a good job really as I need him for next weeks adventures to hospital.
My eyes are still a huge worry, I'm having trouble writing this and find that I'm missing some of the keys. What a wombat!!
this week so far has been great as i haven't had to get up early. i wish I could stay in bed all day but i have to do my physio, take my tablet's and have my insulin, so I can't really. having all these health problems is like having a full time job, i take my hat of to those who still go out to work plus having to do all the stuff to keep themselves well.
So now i've wrote this I'm off to go on my tread mill for 30 mins( which I try and do every day) and then I'll have my nebs and a well earned cup of tea, and a cuddle from a now settled happy kitty.

Had a really good talk with my little sis this afternoon, mainly about family and cats.Joy has three little kitty's and we often have mog chats.
Bagpuss hasn't been in a good mood with me since yesterday as he couldn't come with us to the bike racing.
I've had very bad pains in my left eye, the frightening part is that this condition doesn't get better the only thing is it will cause me to go blind.
I had a certificate from the CF trust today for completing the hydro active challenge with emily's angel's which was nice, it seems a life time ago since doing that although it was only a few weeks ago.
Jasmine has killed three more daddy long legs and tried to eat one of them, but decided she didn't like the taste and spat it out with a funny look on her face.
We've had no more spider's in the bathroom so far thank goodness but Roger is still on spider watch.
It's been a slow day today with nothing really to tell you about. We watched jeeper's creeper's 2 last night which frightened the stripes off bagpuss and he ran and hid under the bed, I was a bit frightened by it but it was a great film all the same.
my sister and her husband are off on their hol's on saturday for a week, it will seem strange not speaking to her for a week as we speak on the phone every day for at least an hour. We live 60 miles from each other so we don't see each other much unless i'm in hospital then I go to my sister's house for tea as she doesn't live far from the hospital.
We don't have much support from our mum and dad, they see that now we are older we can sort ourselves out, which isn't the case and at times we both feel let down and sad.
I have battled for 16 years on and off with anorexia and i'm finding some things a bit difficult, I have days where it doesn't bother me and then there are days even weeks where I can't think of nothing else.My sister has always understood my eating problems and never said i was stupid for having problems, where as my mum and dad didn't want to help they just left me a lone and helpless. I left home at the age of 15 going on 16 because me and mum didn't get on. Now I'm an adult I can get on with her as long as it fits into her way of life but she doesn't understand, those CF's who's parents help any way they can are very lucky, as me and Joy have no one to turn to but each other( joy has her husband)
I think having CF has made me a more caring, understanding person, i try very hard to keep things together but life aint easy and i do get down from time to time.i've done many things to help raise money for the CF trust and i know i've done something worth while, and I will continue to make a difference.

Had a fantastic day at Oliver's mount races, the weather was brill.We went on our bike but sadly had to leave bagpuss at home as we took a picnic in another ruck sack but he would have found it too hot anyway.
Oliver's mount is set on a hill so we walked down to the start, as we tried to get down another way other than the path provided I slipped and rolled hippo style down the hill and ended at the bottom near to some other bikers, i got to my feet and tried again to walk to where we were heading but my feet went from under me again and " BUMP" I landed on my bum again.
I did manage to get to the start line and watch some of the racing but i've hurt my back a little bit.
Trying to walk back up the hill was terrible, it's very steep and even the fittest of fleas would find it hard going.I took my time stopping for a rest here and there but i was gasping like a fish out of water and one bloke stopped and asked Roger if I was OK as I'd gone very white, he said that i just needed to rest and catch my breath then i'd be fine.I did manage to get to the top but it was hard work.
We set off for home after a bought a Barry sheane t shirt , which I've been after for a while.
When we got home we dropped the bags off then we went out on the bike( which is called Trudy) to the sea front at Filey and had an ice cream and watched the world go by.
I'm still worried about my sight, things aren't much better and it's frightening to think i could wake up tomorrow in total darkness.
So I'm settling down after having a shower ( Roger has checked for spiders , as he is on spider watch) and i'm going to have some tickle time with Jasmine as she's been on her own a lot today, tomorrow's another day

After waking up at 4am after having bad dreams about the mother of all spider's in our bathroom on thursday night, I got up and made a cup of tea then sat watching TV with the cat purring on my knee.
It's bike racing at Oliver's mount this weekend so we are going up there tomorrow, it's not far for us to travel and bagpuss loves motorbikes.
We have a Triumph Daytona 955 sports bike but me and Bagpuss ride pillion.I've always loved bikes and when me and my sister were younger we use to go round our garden on our push bikes and pretended to be bike racer's and we always use to fall out who was going to be Barry Sheane, the funny thing was we never knew who the other racers were anyway.
I love getting out on the bike as it makes me feel free, no one knows that I have CF and for a short time I'm " normal"
Bagpuss always gets a lot of interest from people when we stop at cafes, people want to stroke him and he's normally quite good and never bites or spits at people.
We have been at some very fast speeds and it's great, although i have to hang on tight and Bagpuss has lost a few whiskers!
So today has been a lazy day at home.I'm still feeling sick from yesterday's Iron injection but in a few days i'll be as fit as a pink cat.

I've got CF clinic this afternoon which I'm not looking forward to for some unknown reason.
I woke up this morning to find that I'd had another small bleed in my left eye, which aint good. i'm at the eye clinic at the end of the month so I'll deal with any bad news then. When you have these bleeds they are strange things, it's kind of like a floating fly crossing your vision. The small bleeds normally clear within a week but if you get a large bleed it may never clear.
i'm having my last Iron injection at clinic today, they make me feel quite sick and i'm a big puff as I hate watching the nurse access my port.
I've been diabetic for over twenty years yet I still can't stand needles.
Bagpuss is packed and ready for this afternoon, and this time I've got some haribo's just in case of a hypo( low blood sugar) alert.
Jasmine was being cute this morning by chasing after a poor daddy long legs, the cuteness stopped when she put her furry paw on it and kindly killed it.
Jasmine then turned her attention to my bare feet and started a combat manoeuvre to get to my toes and bite them.After ten mins of playing with her i finally got into the kitchen to get her some cat biccies, which settled her down a lot.
so now i'm going to watch This morning until transport come to cart me away

Bagpuss and me

Well i'm new to this so I hope it turns out OK. I'm Ali and i suffer from cystic fibrosis, diabetes and renal failure and if that aint enough I'm going blind too. i'm 35 and live near sunny Scarborough with my faithful bagpuss ruck sack who goes everywhere with me.
I have a younger sister called Joy who also has CF, she is married to Steve and has three cats called Topcee, Bilbo and Frodo( yes there is a lord of the rings thing going on with their names)
I have made a lot of friends who also have CF, one of these is the amazing Emily.

i have just about recovered from the hydro active challenge which took part a week or so ago. Bagpuss was with me wearing the pink wings we all wore as part of Emily's Angels , a team of i think 60+ women raising money for CF. I take Bagpuss everywhere with me as I need my diabetic stuff with me all the time, plus everyone loves Bagpuss

I hope this has turned out right and that you enjoy the adventures of me and the pink cat over the next how many days i get to write
Take care for now
Ali and Bagpuss