I haven't written for a few day's because I've been very ill with a very bad cold.I've been coughing so much i lost my voice( some would say that's a blessing), i was told by my dad who was in good spirits that I sounded like a barking seal, I didn't think seal's barked!!!
Jasmine is full of beans and has tried to open one of her presant's that is under the tree, so armed with the sticky tape I mended the rip's.
I hope you all have a great crimbo and lots of love and happiness to all you bloggers for 2007
I'm off for some lemsip and a few fish!!!!!! see you all in the new year

Jasmine got her first Xmas card today from Emma's dog, Daisy which was really sweet. I've started with a cold which i think I got from my Mum when I went to see Dad last weekend, i have a really bad cough which sounds more like a dog barking than a human coughing!
I think we're about ready for Xmas and have got some pressie round the tree which Jasmine keeps trying to climb.
We have a nodding reindeer in the garden which gets a lot of attention from the neighbours.
Dad is doing OK but still hasn't come to terms with his Cancer and gets grumpy with us quite quickly. It's early days i know and I hope in time he will come to terms with his illness and start to fight it, the way things are at the moment he just isn't fighting or staying positive.
My sister isn't well either at the moment so I'm trying to support everyone the best way I can.
some friends are coming to see me later today, so it will take my mind off things a bit.
I wish it was summer so that I could get out on the bike to blow the cobwebs away, going out on the motorbike helps a great deal and is very good physio for me.
I'm going to bark my way to the kitchen and find something for this sore throat which is driving me up the wall.

I went to see my Dad this weekend. He was still in bed when I got there so mum got him up and dressed and he came down to see me. At first it was a huge shock to see him looking so thin and frail, my once big strong Dad was no longer stood towering above me but in his place was this very pale, thin frail man. I tried so hard to hide the tears that were building up inside my eyes, dad just came towards me and gave me a huge hug like never before. " come on duckie", he said and with that we both stood in each others arms in tears.
This was a very hard visit for me as Ive said before, my mum and Dad have never really been there for me but I felt I had to go and support my family the best way I could, and after all said and done he's my Dad and i love him no matter what has happened in the past.
i helped Mum put a few xmas decs up although they don't feel like it's Xmas but I thought it might cheer them up a bit.
i don't think Dad is handling things very well, mind you it's very early days so I think he's still in shock with the news.
I helped with a few jobs around the house that needed doing and then had some dinner.
leaving was the hardest thing, I gave Dad a big hug and a kiss and went to the door, I could see him getting upset and i told him I loved him then went to the car. Mum came out with us to say goodbye. " It's not Dad is it" she said and again I started to cry. me and my mum have had an up and down relationship but she hugged me and told me not to worry.
On the way home I couldn't believe how my Dad looked, he's only 67 but looks like 87.
If I could move closer to them I would, I have my own life and i'm soft, I give in to anyone and hate upsetting people but if Dad does get worse I'd think about moving closer .
I had a quick look on the CF forum last night only to read the very sad news that one of the lads had passed away.I didn't know the person but it still upsets me that CF has taken another life.
Jasmine has been looking under the Xmas tree at some presants that are for her but she'll have to wait, I've told her that human's have Father christmas but animals have Santa paws, I know she doesn't really get it but it's more for me than her I think. Jasmine would be happy with a few daddy longlegs to play with, or even a huge spider!

The wind here has been really strong so I've not been anywhere and feel like a hamster stuck in a cage.
I've been running, yes running on the treadmill in the garage to try and keep my mind off things, it worked as i was more bothered about getting out of breath and falling on the floor in a big heap. I must be honest I haven't kept up my training on the treadmill as i only go on it now for some physio.I kind of thought about doing the London marathon again but I think the renal unit and my CF team would have kittens if I mention it to them.
My Dad is still doing OK and seemed happy yesterday as he knows i'm going up to see him at the weekend. I'll get some shopping done for Mum and take it up there as she was running out of cat food.
R is at his works Xmas meal tonight so I have the TV to myself again.
Jasmine doesn't like this strong wind and hates going out for a wee, she doesn't like the wind blowing up her bum mind you I wouldn't like that either.
I've at last finished a watercolour painting I started months ago, it's for my sister and her husbands 1st anniversary in Jan.
I've done many paintings in my time and love it, it just takes me ages sometimes, I love Clude Monet and one day hope to go to his house in France and see his beautiful waterlilly pond.My paintings are no where near like Clude Monet's but I try and use the same brush strokes and colours like he did and it doesn't look too bad.
I've had a few more bracelet orders, they've done really well.
We going to a surprise birthday party tomorrow night, it's our neighbours 30th i really don't want to go but have to really, just because they asked us to and they are our neighbours.
The Christmas tree is still standing and i think Jasmine has got bored of trying to get to the fairy.Maybe i should stick her up there instead with a pair of wings which I still have after the Hydro active and see if she really likes being up there, my guess would be no and she's start meowing like she did when she got stuck up the tree next door.

I've been trying to catch up on some sleep but have had no luck in doing that.
my Dad seems very chirpy and has coped really well with his first dose od chemo, although it's still very early days yet he's doing OK. mum said that dad is eating a lot better and had fish and chips for his tea the other night which he hasn't had in months.
We're going up to the dales to visit mum and dad on Saturday, it will be really odd as i haven't been back up there for nearly five years.
Emily sent me a lovely message it made me think a little. I kind of feel like a spare wheel when my sister speaks to me about dad. she says " my" in stead of " our" when talking about him which makes me feel like the outsider, I know she may not know she's saying it in that way but it's how my strange mind works at times.
Jasmine is queen of the Christmas tree after I found her up the tree again yesterday, i'm sure she's trying to take the job of the fairey.
we've has plenty of christmas cards coming in which is lovely, and all the pressies have been sent out. R, bought the pressies for the moglet yesterday, we tried to hide them from her but she's so nosey we found her in the bag sniffing around, so we put the bag in the wardrobe and shut the door.jasmine is very nosey and doesn't miss a thing, it's like having a kid with her around.
i haven't been eating well since finding out about dad, i'm going to have to ask to see someone about my anorexia as things are very difficult at the moment. i've learnt over the 16 years i've suffered from this eating disorder is that talking is a good thing and not talking ends in disaster.
My faith my be on a knife edge at the moment but my faith in people remines the same. i try every day to be a good person and do my best in everything I do, all that paid off this last weekend by the sale of my bracelets. We have so far raised £1019.27 for the trust which is amazing and i'm very proud of that.
The weather here today is VERY cold and windy, i hate british winter's, i'd love to be somewhere hot for Xmas like OZ, and having christmas dinner on the beach like our friends Jackie and Jim who live near Adelaide.
i'm looking forward to seeing my Dad, and making a big fuss of their dogs, Alf and Kim both are huge German Shepherds but they are as soft as butter.

my dad should be able to go home today after having his chemo yesterday. i'll ring my mum later to see how he is. i'm struddling with things at the moment and life is going by in slow motion.i know things will get worse before they get better, but having CF you kind of get use to that and take it in your stride.
When i spoke to my Dad the other day, he seemed more relieved to know what was causing him to be so ill and he told me he knew it was cancer. I told him that i loved him and i needed him to stay strong and get better, and for the first time in many , many years he said he loved me and not to get upset. he said he wasn't going anywhere and that things would be fine.
i kind of got the impression that he didn't quite understand what lay ahead for him.
Having friends around has helped and emma has been a real star. Somehow us CF's stick together through bad times even when it has nothing to do with CF. i may not be blessed with good health but i'm blessed with some good friends.
on a brighter note, Jasmine has managed to pull down the xmas tree three times and had a ball with the tinsal!! she then had a go at the lights and ran off with the sticky tape roll.
It's at low times like these I want to be out on the motorbike but sadly it's far too cold so watching Jasmine acting the goat has to do.
I'm going to try and get some sleep as I haven't slept well the last two nights mainly thinking about stuff and what the future holds. i know my dream trip to Hawaii will maybe have to wait until i know that my Dad is OK, but i hadn't planned on going until next november so by then Dad should have finished his chemo and fingers crossed the treatment will have worked. whatever happens going to hawaii is bottom of my list for now plus it means i can save abit more dosh.
Right, cup of tea then a kip I think that's if jasmine will let me!!!

The last few days have been a nightmare. My dad has been ill for a few months now and was in hospital having tests done whilst I was in hospital. The results came through on Tuesday evening and it was the worst news in the world. my dad has Non Hodgkin lymphoma ( sorry if it's spelt wrong) and started his chemo today which will last once every two weeks for six months.
Poor Joy had to explain to my dad what it was as he hadn't understood the doctor, then she rang me at 9.30pm to tell me. I nearly dropped the phone in shock and couldn't say or do anything but cry. i kept thinking about my sister and how terrible she must have felt telling my dad.
Joy sobbed down the phone and I felt useless as I wasn't there beside her comforting her. Joy and my dad are very close and this news shattered us both.
i sat for nearly three hours sobbing my heart out with Jasmine sitting on my knee, I didn't sleep well at all and then yesterday sent an e-mail to Emmie telling her what had happened. In my message I said, " emmie I can't stop the tears" I feel " lost". Emma sent me two lovely messages back which made me feel loved and wanted and the support Emma showed me then was much more than just friends. Emma and emily have made a huge difference in my life and I treasure their friendship dearly.
I'm feeling slightly better today after speaking to my Mum, she said Dad was looking brighter today and maybe he'll be home tomorrow after seeing what his blood results were.
even though I'm not as close to him as my sister is I love him so much, well after all he's my dad. So not only will I talk about myself, my cat and what goes on in my life on my blog, I'll keep people up to date with how my dad is too. I'm trying to be strong and stay positive and in time thats all I'll be but at this moment in time I'm still in shock with it all and the tears keep coming, this is a real test of my faith and at the moment my faith in the lord is rock bottom.

Well after eight days in hospital , I'm back home with a fussy pussy who won't leave me alone.
I'm fed up with the cold weather that seems to have hit Scarborough and i'm now saving money to go to Hawaii next Nov.
Bagpuss hasn't been out much the last few weeks and looks really bored. So far there has been no creepy crawlies anywhere in the house so Jasmine is sleeping a lot of the time.R is on a course for the next few days so I'll have the TV to myself. I'm going to get my hair done on Thursday as it need cutting and my fringe is that long I can't see, plus my roots need doing as I'm not a natural blond.
Just a quickie today to let you all know I'm fine and back at home safe and sound