Like a lot of CF's I have lost many friends to the illness. Now a days we don't mix on the wards or in clinics so making friends with those that have the same illness isnt easy any more.I was thinking about two very dear friends of mine , both died from CF and even though my thoughts are all good I couldn't help but cry. It's true what they say, you don't know what you've got til it's gone, I miss my friends so very much it hurts, the photos I have remind me that the friendship we shared isn't gone, it's different because they are no longer here to enjoy it but they will always be with me in my heart and mind.
As I sat on the bed with jasmine looking at my photo's, i could hear Renarta's voice telling me to follow my dreams, the thing is i know that's right but just needed a bit of a push. i have believed that since loosing these friends( Renarta and Nicola) they have been the angels looking after me, yeah I know some of you will think I've gone nuts but a few strange things happened after they had passed. I'm the kind of person who bottles stuff up and things blow up like a pressure cooker, and it's days like that I hate and I tend to cry my heart out.
Today wasn't one of those days but I haven't cried like that for a few months and felt better afterwards, although Jasmine must have thought I was loosing it.
If there is a god, he's delt some crap cards to some of us, I like to think he's chosen me for a bloody good reason to suffer so much heart ache, i'm just not sure what he's looking for.
i'd like to think once I've died there is a heaven and that in my next life I will have a " normal" life with a job and kids and that I can drive, but i'll have to wait and see won't I.
As I sat on the bed with jasmine looking at my photo's, i could hear Renarta's voice telling me to follow my dreams, the thing is i know that's right but just needed a bit of a push. i have believed that since loosing these friends( Renarta and Nicola) they have been the angels looking after me, yeah I know some of you will think I've gone nuts but a few strange things happened after they had passed. I'm the kind of person who bottles stuff up and things blow up like a pressure cooker, and it's days like that I hate and I tend to cry my heart out.
Today wasn't one of those days but I haven't cried like that for a few months and felt better afterwards, although Jasmine must have thought I was loosing it.
If there is a god, he's delt some crap cards to some of us, I like to think he's chosen me for a bloody good reason to suffer so much heart ache, i'm just not sure what he's looking for.
i'd like to think once I've died there is a heaven and that in my next life I will have a " normal" life with a job and kids and that I can drive, but i'll have to wait and see won't I.
posted by Ali @ 9:12 AM
1 Comments:
At 9:15 AM,
jellyeels said…
Oh Ally,don't talk like that about dying,i get all upset when people do that(i've got tears in my eyes just from writing that).David does it all the time and i quickly try and change the subject.Even Liam's started doing it now aswell,someone at school in his class has told him if you bleed you die.That didn't help when he saw the nurse taking out my venflon last week and it bleed,poor little thing thought i was gonna die.
Hope your sniffles have gone a bit now?I think i could end up been in hospital with you soon as i'm now bringing up green crapy gunk.Nice.So i think iv's are on the table for me,but at least i can have them at home now,which is a bonus.
Shirley xXx
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